Old lede: Exclusion was the word of the night during a speech given yesterday in a packed recital hall by Cecilia Zarate-Laun.
New lede: Exclusion of the lower classes is the root cause of Colombia's ongoing problems according to Cecilia Zarate-Laun.
New Structure Outline: After the lede I would FIRST do an overview of what Ms. Zarate-Laun spoke of before her credentials, as they don't nessecerily reflect what she talks about and it might lead the reader to not understand what I'm going for.
Next I would go into more specifics about what she talked about instead of doing a fly-over of EVERYTHING.
After that I would get some quotes from observers. I got some good ones from her, but no audience reaction, and I know a couple of people who probably would have had good ones (people studying this subject).
Monday, October 29, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
Obituary Revision
Ahson Death/Kellner
NAVAL HERO DIES AT 79
By Jamie Kellner
KALAMAZOO, Mich. -- Jeffrey Ahson died of emphysema last night in his home at the age of 79, said Lt. Commander Jeraldine Fyfe of the US Navy's public relations office.
Assigned to the U.S.S. Emery during World War II, Ahson was recognized by the Navy with a Purple Heart, Navy Cross, and a promotion to ensign for his heroic rescue of four crewmen, the recovery of another's body, and shooting down three enemy planes during the Battle of Midway in 1942. "Ahson was a genuine American hero," said Lt. Commander Fyfe.
Born in Chico, Calif. in 1928, he came to Kalamazoo in 1946 and joined the fire department, where he put his passion for fire fighting to good use until 1966 when he retired to become a car salesman. He was known around Kalamazoo for his collection of fire fighting memorabilia which he could often be seen taking to local elementary schools in a restored fire engine.
Mr. Ahson was involved in veteran's affairs, serving as commander of American Legion Post 702 as well as VFW Post 4206. He was also involved with the Elk's Lodge and Gideon's International as well as John Calvin Presbyterian Church, where he volunteered as an usher.
He is survived by his wife, Therese Alpert; three children, Richard Ahson of Phillipsburg, Kan.; Angela Molino of Omaha, Neb.; Leela Stalling of Pipecreek, Tex.; as well as a brother, two sisters, and five grandchildren.
Services for Mr. Ahson will be at 10 a.m. Saturday at Memorial Park Cemetery. Viewings will be from 4 p.m. to 5:30 and 7:30 to 9 o'clock on Friday. The family requests no flowers.
NAVAL HERO DIES AT 79
By Jamie Kellner
KALAMAZOO, Mich. -- Jeffrey Ahson died of emphysema last night in his home at the age of 79, said Lt. Commander Jeraldine Fyfe of the US Navy's public relations office.
Assigned to the U.S.S. Emery during World War II, Ahson was recognized by the Navy with a Purple Heart, Navy Cross, and a promotion to ensign for his heroic rescue of four crewmen, the recovery of another's body, and shooting down three enemy planes during the Battle of Midway in 1942. "Ahson was a genuine American hero," said Lt. Commander Fyfe.
Born in Chico, Calif. in 1928, he came to Kalamazoo in 1946 and joined the fire department, where he put his passion for fire fighting to good use until 1966 when he retired to become a car salesman. He was known around Kalamazoo for his collection of fire fighting memorabilia which he could often be seen taking to local elementary schools in a restored fire engine.
Mr. Ahson was involved in veteran's affairs, serving as commander of American Legion Post 702 as well as VFW Post 4206. He was also involved with the Elk's Lodge and Gideon's International as well as John Calvin Presbyterian Church, where he volunteered as an usher.
He is survived by his wife, Therese Alpert; three children, Richard Ahson of Phillipsburg, Kan.; Angela Molino of Omaha, Neb.; Leela Stalling of Pipecreek, Tex.; as well as a brother, two sisters, and five grandchildren.
Services for Mr. Ahson will be at 10 a.m. Saturday at Memorial Park Cemetery. Viewings will be from 4 p.m. to 5:30 and 7:30 to 9 o'clock on Friday. The family requests no flowers.
--30--
Monday, October 15, 2007
Werner Von Trapp...yes...those Von Trapps
http://www.legacy.com/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=96070402
This is a big day for me, because I had no idea that the Sound of Music was based in reality. Anyways...
The obituary starts off by explaining that Werner Von Trapp died Thursday at age 91. Interestingly, it makes mention of the fact that he was part of the family the Sound of Music was based on before anything else. Seemed a bit strange to me that they wouldn't go through the basics first and then hit the interesting things. Thats how I did it in my obituary and I thought I was doing it right, or maybe it doesn't matter.
It continues to explain that he was born in Austria and that he was the son of George Von Trapp and his first wife. It then goes on to talk about who played Maria in various versions of the story, which I found to be a little strange. Its about him. If you're going to talk about anyone in the play/movie I wouldn't make it Julie Andrews, but thats just me.
After that it goes on to talk about military service, a music school he helped found, and where he eventually settled with his own family, which all seemed pretty standard to me.
This is a big day for me, because I had no idea that the Sound of Music was based in reality. Anyways...
The obituary starts off by explaining that Werner Von Trapp died Thursday at age 91. Interestingly, it makes mention of the fact that he was part of the family the Sound of Music was based on before anything else. Seemed a bit strange to me that they wouldn't go through the basics first and then hit the interesting things. Thats how I did it in my obituary and I thought I was doing it right, or maybe it doesn't matter.
It continues to explain that he was born in Austria and that he was the son of George Von Trapp and his first wife. It then goes on to talk about who played Maria in various versions of the story, which I found to be a little strange. Its about him. If you're going to talk about anyone in the play/movie I wouldn't make it Julie Andrews, but thats just me.
After that it goes on to talk about military service, a music school he helped found, and where he eventually settled with his own family, which all seemed pretty standard to me.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Interviews
I'm honestly not sure how I did on Tuesday. I got the right quotes, I think, but I'm not sure I used the time properly, so I'm a little concerned. After reading Seth's blog I have to agree that the hardest part by far was finding a conservative person, which I wasn't actually able to do after searching for quite awhile. Getting quotes was easy enough, but in the future its going to have to be more about time management and finding quotes that buck the trend a bit.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Rich 181
Lead: Cancer concerns amongst Connecticut Police have led to the ban of hand-held radar guns in Meriden, Conn.
2nd Paragraph: Studies are currently researching the possibility of radiation from the devices causing cancer, leading to the precautionary ban.
The Nut: "The feeling here is to err on the side of caution until more is known about the issue," said a spokesman for the state police. "The whole situation is under review."
Kicker: In the meantime, 70 radar guns are being withdrawn from service and being replaced by car mounted transmitters.
2nd Paragraph: Studies are currently researching the possibility of radiation from the devices causing cancer, leading to the precautionary ban.
The Nut: "The feeling here is to err on the side of caution until more is known about the issue," said a spokesman for the state police. "The whole situation is under review."
Kicker: In the meantime, 70 radar guns are being withdrawn from service and being replaced by car mounted transmitters.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)